[Not one of my usual posts, but it is something that is unique, and different. Some want to hide from this, others live with it. As for me, I am just wanting to show a soul that has touched me. This may be harsh for some to read, but it shows some insight to what others deal with.]
There are many unseen battles that people fight. Battles that are of the illness sorts, the emotional, and the psychological. Battles that, for many, have to be hidden away from society. I have had the privilege to meet a young lady, not through a formal meeting of face to face interaction, but through her writing. Writing that touched my soul; not in ways that are magical and whimsical and white, but deeper and harsh, in a world that is dark and rough. A world that she battles through, every single day. Here is a step into her world, her writing that grasped my soul, and had me take a step back and think:
“I never tell people about my inside monster because I think they won’t believe me. So he’s here with me, getting stronger and wiser trying to lower me into his trap.
He doesn’t care where I’m at, embracing every part of my body, living in me everyday
Picking at me, growing at my heart, memories all gone and extinct.
Will you help me get rid of him?
Will he ever leave?
Last night I was about to give him what he wanted, but I told him no. He didn’t like that one bit so he came up to me and started to break my ribs and gashing out my heart. I cried out in agony, I cried out to God, but the demon monster said that I’m all his no on else. I’m scared. I’m terrified. I don’t know what to do. To say every time I see him. I fall deeper and deeper into his dungeon.
There’s a monster inside me ripping at my intestines and breaking my ribs. This kind of monster shows no emotion, no empathy for me at all. he told me that I was
worthless and ignorant. When I’m around people the monster really acts out. I see him in every dark corner of this room I lay in. I’m so scared but he’s more terrified. He knows I can get rid of him. I just don’t know how. Last night he was in my room telling me to fall with him to hell.
Creeping into a dark tunnel, after losing faith, I cry till my eyes are puffy.
Crying because there’s no way out, having demons coming to steal me. My mind plays tricks everyday I fall deeper and deeper.
I’m tired of being tortured by the demons,
My good memories gone. Faded into darkness.
After he’s done he leaves me to bleed out. Laughing at all of the pain I’m in. Ignoring like a fresh scent. I’m terrified whats going to happen next.
No is what I want to say but my mouth won’t open.
Going with him might be a good idea after all.
At night I’m scared, the most because he’s out lingering like smoke. Last night I had a dream, a nightmare. He crept in my room, got on top of me, and started to rip out my tongue so I wouldn’t scream. He told me that God can’t help me. He made me an offer. 1. He can take over my body. 2. Walk with him slowly to hell. I don’t want to choose, thats what I told the monster. Then he called his demons and started breaking my bones and shattering my heart. I shrieked in pain and started to cry out to the universe. I hate the monster, I really do. No one can save me. No one can see my pain or even come close to my pain. I’ve been with the monster for a long time. Now its time to tame the monster.
Is that a good idea?“
Out of the heart and mind of a 15-year-old girl comes the truth that she faces, everyday.
I remember as a little girl, I loved watching movies on magical places, enchanted castles, true love, princess’ and princes’, that saving of souls. But I remember one movie, in particular, that scared me more than any of the others. A wicked woman turns into an evil dragon, and tries to destroy the innocence of one. That is what I picture when I read her piece. Not about a girl who will be saved by her one true love, her prince, and live happily ever after.
More of a girl who is a knight, saving herself, day after day, battle after battle with the dragon of a monster that she fights.
I don’t know about you, but there are so many monsters that people fight that we are all oblivious too. Some are harsh and gripe and rip and tear at the innocent ones thoughts and heart and even action. Other monsters are softer. They creep in and stay a while, find a home within and then, eventually, move on.
But I do know that, when I hear of such stories, that I always hear of how they are battling through. No matter what is going on in their life, they find a way to push forward and win another day.
So I say to you, no matter where your monsters are found,
Pick up your sword, put on your armor, and
win that next battle.